Some people have a powerful desire to understand themselves, but their path to self-knowledge is rarely straightforward
Given the popularity of astrology columns, self-help books and personality quizzes, there’s plenty of reason to believe that most – if not all – people are intrigued to learn more about themselves, to make sense of who they really are. I see this first-hand in my research. It can be a challenge to get people to complete personality questionnaires – unless we offer to give them personalised feedback at the end of the study. Participation rates jump when people know that they can learn something about themselves!
Of course, this isn’t a new phenomenon. From the philosophy of the ancient Greeks to the Buddhist tradition, people have been on a quest for self-insight for aeons. But is the pursuit of self-knowledge really a fundamental and universal human motive?
My colleagues and I have been looking into what we call the ‘self-insight motive’ and we’ve found it might be more accurate to see it as akin to a personality trait that varies in strength between individuals – some people have more of it than others, just as some people are more extraverted or agreeable than others. We also delved into whether the self-insight motive actually pays off – whether people with a greater self-insight motive really know themselves better – and uncovered some surprising results.
The typical self-insight motivated ‘persona’ is a relatively young and educated individual who’s open to new experiences
We started our investigations by developing a short questionnaire that we gave to thousands of people to gauge how much they care about knowing themselves well. The questionnaire asked participants if they agree with statements such as: ‘Having accurate knowledge about my character traits is very important to me’ and ‘I want to know exactly what my strengths and weaknesses are’.
We found that people varied meaningfully in the strength of their self-insight motive. While it seems to matter a great deal to some people, others do not care about it that much at all. Perhaps you have noticed this among your friends and colleagues, with some of them being far more self-curious than others.
This led us to wonder what kind of a person has a greater self-insight motive. Is it the spiritual seeker who dresses in linen and practises yoga half of the day, or is it the manager who drives an expensive car and lives in a big house, suddenly experiencing a midlife crisis, asking if there is more to life than this? Of course, these are comical stereotypes so we couldn’t answer those exact questions. However, we did give our participants some established personality questionnaires and looked to see how other aspects of personality correlated with their scores on the self-insight motive questionnaire. Rather than throwing a bunch of statistics and correlations at you, I will tell you what we found out about the typical self-insight motivated ‘persona’. Think of it as the kind of profile that marketing folks often create to imagine their typical customer. Just remember, this is a major oversimplification of what were more complex relationships in our data.
We found that the typical persona with strong self-insight motive is a relatively young and educated individual who’s curious, open to new experiences, and concerned about maintaining their close relationships. Picture someone who constantly seeks ways to improve themselves. Finally, we also found that part of the persona is wanting to be admired by others.
Narcissists have a strong motivation for self-insight – even if it’s largely in the service of their ego
We expected the persona to be open to experience and curious about people in general, so there were no big surprises when it came to the links with curiosity. After all, a curious person is like a detective in their own life. They try to dig deeper, always wanting to understand the ‘why’ behind everything. It makes sense that this should include their own motivations, thoughts and behaviours.
More surprising was our finding that younger people reported being more self-insight motivated than older people. However, on reflection, this makes sense too. After all, they are in a phase of life where they are forming their identity and choosing their paths in life, and self-knowledge is surely useful for these challenges.
The persona’s focus on close relationships was a surprise too. Initially, we thought self-insight motivation would be linked to a strong interest only in individual growth rather than relationships. To grow, people need a realistic understanding of who they are – their strengths and weaknesses. This self-appraisal is essential because, without a clear starting point, meaningful improvement is hard to achieve. But, in addition to the expected link with interest in personal growth, the self-insight motive was also associated with a focus on close relationships. How can we make sense of this?
Perhaps it has to do with the widely held belief that self-insight is beneficial for relationships because it can help us build authentic connections – to be our true selves with others, we need to have a clear sense of who we are. Maybe people who want to maintain close relationships have internalised this belief and so they seek self-insight as a tool for improving their relationships. This is just a hypothesis for now.
We also didn’t expect to find that the self-insight motivated persona wants to be admired by others. Seeking admiration is a facet of narcissism, so, on the face of it, it seems contradictory that narcissistic individuals, with their inflated self-views, would seek accurate self-knowledge. But it does make sense when you consider that narcissists are pretty much the heroes of self-centredness. With their sense of grandiosity, they probably expect any new information to shower them with compliments and reaffirm their inflated egos. Driven by this expectation, it’s not such a surprise to find that narcissists have a strong motivation for self-insight – even if it’s largely in the service of their ego.
Self-insight motivated individuals weren’t any better at estimating their intelligence
Now think again of those people in your own life who seem more motivated to better know and understand themselves – does this self-focused interest actually lead them to know themselves better? You probably have a hunch about this, but to make a start exploring this question scientifically, we asked some of our participants to estimate their intelligence and then compared it with their performance on an actual intelligence test. We chose intelligence because we can measure it pretty accurately, and it’s hard to fake. For example, smart people can quickly figure out that, if the day after tomorrow is three days before Tuesday, then tomorrow must be Friday (right?) As you cannot bluff yourself through an intelligence test, this is a solid benchmark against which to compare people’s self-views.
However, when comparing people’s estimations of their intelligence with their actual scores on an intelligence test (a short version of the International Cognitive Ability Resource), we found that self-insight motivated individuals weren’t any better at estimating their intelligence than their peers with a weaker self-insight motive. Of course, intelligence is just one specific aspect of the self, but this same pattern also emerged when we tested self-insight in other ways.
For instance, in one study, we compared participants’ self-rated personality traits with ratings provided by people who know them well. Individuals with a strong self-insight motive did not show greater agreement with how their close others saw them.
In another study, participants worked in small groups, and we explored how well they knew their popularity within the group. After completing a group activity, participants were asked to estimate how much each group member liked them – and we compared these estimates with the actual liking ratings given by their group members. Again, those with a strong self-insight motive did not know better how popular they were than those with a weaker motive.
Summing all this up, the evidence suggests that while self-insight motivated people want to know themselves, and they do show some evidence of following up on that desire (for instance, we found that self-insight motivated participants were more likely than others to request feedback on their results in our studies), it turns out that they’re not actually particularly successful in building up more accurate self-knowledge.
If you’re on a quest for self-insight, keep in mind that your motivation won’t take you all the way
My colleagues and I are still hunting for empirical answers for why this might be, but, in the meantime, I think there are some compelling possibilities. One factor might be that a lot of feedback we receive about ourselves is simply wrong, and separating the wheat from the chaff may be really hard. If you are someone who wishes to know yourself better, you could try to overcome this problem by taking extra care over whom you go to for feedback. How honest is the person giving you information about yourself? Might they want to avoid telling you uncomfortable truths to spare your feelings?
Another likely explanation for why many self-insight motivated people are struggling to achieve greater self-knowledge is because of what’s known as the ‘self-enhancement motive’. A huge amount of research shows that people find endless ways to see themselves in a positive light, and there is absolutely no reason why self-insight motivated people should be immune to this motive, which often plays in the background of conscious awareness. The self-enhancement motive serves a useful function; it is like wearing rose-coloured glasses: they can boost your confidence and help you tackle life’s challenges, even though they might also blur your vision of reality.
So, how can the self-insight motivated among us clear up that distorted vision – or at least take the glasses off for a moment? As argued by the psychologist Erika Carlson, work from other researchers suggests a promising solution: mindfulness. Mindfulness encourages you to be fully present in the moment and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. If you are able to accept and not judge your flaws and shortcomings, you could overcome the barriers (wishes, fears or illusions) that prevent you from creating a more realistic self-image. Don’t get it wrong: being mindfully realistic about yourself doesn’t mean abandoning your values or aspirations. Rather, it means acknowledging and appreciating your strengths and limitations, embracing yourself as a whole, and fostering a realistic and compassionate view of who you are.
For example, imagine the mid-40s dad with a strong self-insight motive. Despite the desire for accurate self-knowledge, he might still believe (or hope) he’s the unbeatable quarterback on the football field. All thanks to the self-enhancement motive, he might hold on to that image of being a supreme athlete, even if his sore shoulder and creaky knees are sending him very clear signals that it’s no longer true. However, if he can mindfully accept these changes as part of who he is – without slipping into the judgmental trap of seeing himself as an ageing weakling – then he could build a more accurate self-image while maintaining his self-worth.
These explanations for why self-insight motivated people don’t necessarily know themselves better are theoretical for now; my team and I are planning to test them directly in future studies. In the meantime, it’s up to you whether you think the pursuit of self-knowledge is worth it. Our results suggest that, on its own, the motivation for self-insight is a good starting point but doesn’t guarantee you self-knowledge. So if you’re on a quest for self-insight, keep in mind that your motivation won’t take you all the way. The path to genuine self-understanding is likely to involve many more challenging hurdles and uncomfortable truths. Should you be looking for guidance along the way, I’ve heard there’s a certain digital magazine that might offer some useful insights to help navigate that path.
