It seems as if, every time Sam is in the staff room at work, coworkers are talking about their new diets, weight loss, how they’ve been ‘good’ not to succumb to the ‘temptation’ to eat cake today, and how they were ‘naughty’ on the weekend because they had a large meal with friends. Sam bites into a sausage roll and starts to feel bad for eating it, thinking: this is a bad food; I’ll have to exercise it off later.
What Sam and coworkers are exhibiting is food guilt: the negative feeling many people have when they think they’ve eaten something they shouldn’t, or that they’ve overindulged. It often comes with self-blame and feeling ashamed or disgusted with oneself. These feelings are commonplace, largely due to messages from family members, peers, advertising, social media and other sources that tell us it’s bad to eat too much or to eat certain kinds of food.
In my work as a clinical psychologist, I spend a lot of time talking to clients about food, eating and the emotions and thoughts attached to them. Many of them feel a sense of failure, worthlessness or a desire to hide their eating habits. This emotional response can lead to cycles of restrictive eating, binge eating or disordered eating behaviours, damaging their relationship with food. Fixing that relationship involves cultivating self-compassion, as well as a recognition that food does not define a person’s worth.
If you experience food guilt yourself, you are likely attuned to all the judgment that gets passed about what people eat. Disparaging comments about eating – such as ‘She looks that way because she eats junk,’ or ‘You’d better be careful eating that, you don’t want to get fat’ – reinforce the notion that people should feel guilty when they eat in certain ways. So does attaching words such as ‘bad’ or ‘indulgent’ to certain foods or to eating. (Conversely, eating less is often cast as good and virtuous.)
Perhaps you’ve been hard on yourself about your eating, criticising yourself if you eat certain things or eat more than you intended because you feel as if you’ve done something wrong. Maybe you’ve been led to believe that people won’t like you if you eat a certain way or look a certain way. It’s also common for people who experience food guilt to think that they have to justify why they’ve eaten something ‘bad’, or to make up for it the next day by restricting their eating or through exercise, like a form of punishment. Eating becomes about reward and punishment rather than nutrition and pleasure.
But being hungry, and responding to that hunger, is natural – and why shouldn’t we enjoy it? Those of us who experience food guilt need to ask ourselves questions like these: why do I feel guilty when I eat? Where did that come from? Does it reflect a certain belief, and is it a belief I want to hold on to? Does that belief help me, or just make me feel bad?
In therapy, I’ve seen people go from feeling like food is a constant battle to feeling free from guilt and more responsive to their body’s needs. To help you take steps in that direction, let’s talk about why we attach negative emotions to eating – and what you can do to create a more positive relationship with food.
Key points
Many people feel bad about what they eat or how much they eat. This food guilt is reinforced by social messages and often comes with feelings of shame, self-blame or self-disgust.
Consider where your guilt about food comes from. Reflect on what you tell yourself about your eating, and ask where that started – someone from your childhood, social media and advertising, other sources?
Recognise unhelpful beliefs about eating. Identify negative ideas that show up in your thinking about food, and question whether they are really benefitting you.
Don’t categorise foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. All foods can fit into a balanced diet. Eating well doesn’t require demonising fat, sugar or particular foods.
Show yourself kindness. Give yourself the compassion you would offer a close friend. What would you say if they were feeling guilty about their eating?
Seek a positive eating environment. Avoid engaging in negative talk about food, seek dining companions with healthy attitudes, and encourage supportive, stress-free meals with others.
Listen to what your body tells you. Tune in to physical feelings, emotions and thoughts that signal when you are getting hungry or full, and use these to eat mindfully.
Know when to seek support. Some people who struggle with food guilt might be experiencing an eating disorder – in which case talking to a healthcare professional is essential.
Consider where your guilt about food comes from
Unfortunately, many of us live in cultures that idealise thinness, for women, and leanness and muscularity for men, portraying it as a measure of self-worth and success. This is reinforced through media and advertising, which frequently promote restrictive eating as a way to achieve idealised bodies. Research has found that these messages contribute to body dissatisfaction and disordered eating behaviours, promoting guilt when one indulges in ‘bad’ foods.
Family dynamics also play a role. Many people grow up in households where food is controlled, and food choices are moralised (eg, you might have gotten treats only when you behaved well). Parents or caregivers sometimes impose strict rules about food, leading one to believe that some foods are inherently bad and that eating them is a failure of willpower. Such experiences can contribute to lifelong feelings of guilt around eating. Think about your upbringing: were food and eating regarded in these ways?
Some people who experience food guilt were teased about their appearance growing up, which made them feel ashamed of their weight, size or shape. They internalised the message that there’s something wrong with how they look and so they try to control their weight through restrictive eating.
There are also personality factors, such as perfectionism, that can magnify feelings of guilt when a person has rigid food rules. When someone who is perfectionistic deviates from their rules – such as by eating something they normally wouldn’t, or feeling like they’ve overindulged – they can be highly self-critical.
Thinking about societal influences, family or peer messages and personal experiences can offer insight into how negative feelings about food developed and get you started toward developing a healthier relationship with food. Take some time to reflect on the things you tell yourself about your body and your eating. Whose voice is that, really? Where might it originate from? How does it make you feel, and do you want to continue to feel that way? What sort of relationship would you like with eating?
Recognise unhelpful beliefs about eating
Try to identify at least one specific, negative belief you hold about food or eating – ie, your assumptions or personal rules, associated in your mind with guilt and other negative feelings. They might include beliefs such as:
When I’ve been eating a lot (eg, during a holiday), I should go on a diet to compensate.
I should always try to eat less than I want to.
I should never eat [insert type of food here] because it’ll make me fat.
Do these or similar beliefs show up in your own thinking about food? Acknowledging them is the first step toward challenging them.
When you’ve identified a negative belief about food or eating, it’s important to assess its validity. Ask yourself if holding on to the belief – continuing to take it seriously – is truly beneficial to you. For example: is it helpful to think that there’s something wrong with you for sometimes eating a certain kind of food? Or does it mostly just make you feel sad or ashamed? Is it based on evidence, or is it based more on social pressure? What do you think you’re getting out of it?
You can also work on reframing negative thoughts about eating that come from these beliefs. For example, instead of having the thought: I shouldn’t eat this cake – it’ll make me fat, and taking that at face value, you could try responding to it with a kinder, more balanced thought, such as: It’s OK to enjoy cake in moderation. Food is meant to be enjoyed. Or: It feels like I need to lose weight in order to be accepted, but is that really true? Maybe I’m already accepted by those who care about me.
Don’t categorise foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’
Another effective strategy for reducing food guilt is to stop thinking about foods in categorically positive and negative terms – as ‘good’ foods and ‘bad’ foods. Try to avoid describing foods in this way when you talk about eating with others, and see if you can stop mentally labelling foods as such. Instead, recognise that all foods can fit into a balanced diet when they are consumed mindfully. Eating without guilt does not mean eating whatever one feels like all the time, but the focus is on balance rather than restriction. It’s a good idea, of course, to seek out foods that provide the recommended nutrients – all vitamins, proteins, carbs, fats and so on – that you need to function well, both physically and mentally. However, you do not have to demonise fat or sugar, or particular kinds of food, in order to do that.
Giving yourself permission to enjoy a variety of foods helps foster a healthier relationship with eating. Here’s an example of what this might look like in daily life. For lunch, you have a meal that mixes grilled salmon for protein, quinoa for complex carbohydrates, and a side of roasted vegetables. You enjoy each part of the meal, appreciating the flavours and nourishment it provides. Later in the day, you’re offered a slice of cake at work. While you know it’s not the most nutritious option, you remind yourself that it’s OK to eat for pleasure and celebration, too. You take a portion you’re comfortable with, savour it slowly, and enjoy the experience without guilt, knowing it’s part of an overall balanced diet, and part of having a healthy relationship with food. This approach ensures you’re meeting your body’s nutritional needs while giving yourself flexibility, which leads to sustainable eating habits.
Show yourself kindness
Practising self-compassion is crucial in alleviating food guilt. This means treating yourself with the same care and concern you would offer a close friend. In the context of eating, it includes recognising that everyone has moments when they eat more than they intend to simply because it tastes good, or eat foods that might not be very nutritious, and that it’s a normal part of life.
When you catch yourself ruminating on your food choices, gently remind yourself that it’s OK to enjoy food without judgment. Think to yourself: what would you say to a friend who was feeling guilty about their eating? You’d probably tell them not to worry, to enjoy their food, that it doesn’t change what you think about them. You are not judging them. So don’t judge yourself.
You are human, and occasional indulgence is part of a balanced life. If you tend to strive for perfection in your eating habits, instead set a goal to get really good at eating without judgment. This shift in mindset can lead to greater peace with your food choices.
Seek a positive eating environment
Beyond your thoughts or inherited beliefs about eating, your present eating environment can significantly affect your relationship with food. So, to the extent that you can, seek out friends and dining companions who express healthy attitudes toward food and body image. Avoid engaging in negative conversations about dieting or body shaming. Instead, do what you can to foster a positive eating environment – one where healthy, balanced eating is supported and encouraged in a non-restrictive, stress-free way.
For an example of such an environment, picture a dinner where everyone is seated around the table, sharing a colourful variety of foods: grilled chicken or fish, roasted vegetables, bread, fresh salad and dessert. The atmosphere is relaxed, and the focus is on enjoying the food and each other’s company. There’s variety and balance here, with a mix of proteins, vegetables and whole grains, as well as some sweet treats, offering different textures and flavours. There are no food rules or guilt: everyone is encouraged to serve themselves based on their hunger levels, with no pressure to finish everything on their plate or restrict portion sizes. Dessert – a bowl of fruit, a pie, ice-cream – is available if anyone wants some, but they’re not treated as a reward or a guilty indulgence. There’s positive conversation about food at the table, light-hearted and supportive, avoiding any negative talk about body image, diets or ‘bad’ foods. Instead, there’s a focus on how good the food tastes and how it fuels the body.
While it can take some practice to develop, this kind of eating environment can support a healthy relationship with food, where choices are driven by hunger and satisfaction rather than guilt or external pressures.
Listen to what your body tells you
Another skill that helps with reducing food guilt is learning to listen to your body’s hunger and fullness cues. This means tuning into physical feelings, emotions and thoughts that signal when you are getting hungry or full, and responding with mindful eating.
Imagine it’s mid-morning, and you start to feel a gentle gnawing in your stomach – a sign that your body might need fuel. You pause for a moment to check in with yourself. Physically you might feel that your stomach is empty, and that you lack energy. Emotionally,it’s not that you’re particularly stressed or bored (which, for many people, prompts a desire to eat); you’re just calmly interested in these signs of hunger. You have a thought about when you last ate – breakfast was a few hours ago. It makes sense that you’re ready for a snack.
Instead of ignoring the sensation of hunger, or waiting until a designated time to eat, you decide on a tasty snack such as an apple with peanut butter. You eat slowly, paying attention to the taste and texture, stopping when you feel satisfied, not overly full. This approach ensures you’re feeding your body based on actual hunger signals, not external triggers like boredom or strict mealtimes. As you practise this, avoid restricting yourself based on external factors or perceived notions of what you ‘should’ eat. Rather, savour your meals and make choices based on your body’s needs (for example, eating for concentration or energy).
The essence of mindful eating is being present during meals and snacks, focusing on the experience of eating, and fully enjoying the flavours and textures of the food. So try to eliminate distractions, such as phones or televisions, while eating: it can help you better connect with your food and recognise when you’re satisfied or full. This practice can lead to more positive experiences with food and reduce the likelihood of overeating, which often contributes to feelings of guilt.
It’s important to recognise when you are eating for emotional reasons rather than due to hunger. If you have moments when you’ve already eaten until full, based on your body’s hunger signals, but you still feel an urge to eat more amid feelings such as stress, sadness or boredom, consider engaging in an alternative activity that could be more fulfilling. It might be going for a walk, writing in a journal or talking to a friend. Finding healthier outlets for your emotions can diminish the urge to seek comfort in food. This helps to extinguish the link between eating and negative emotions, including guilt.
Know when to seek support
For a subset of people who struggle with food guilt, what they are experiencing is part of a more complex eating disorder that calls for the help of a qualified professional. Eating disorders are severe mental health conditions in which people often overvalue their weight, size and shape as part of their self-esteem, and experience constant distress around food and eating. People with eating disorders might also feel highly anxious in social eating environments; engage in excessive exercise; misuse diet pills and laxatives; deliberately vomit after eating; and/or use food to cope with negative emotions, whether by under- or overeating. Eating disorders can lead to suicidal thinking and affect a person’s physical health. They can be deadly.
If you think it’s possible that you are experiencing an eating disorder, it is important to get professional help as soon as possible, from a doctor and a psychologist at the very least. Talk to your healthcare provider about what you’ve noticed with regard to your eating. You can additionally search online for ‘eating disorder support’: in Australia, for example, the Butterfly Foundation is a great resource and assists people in accessing the help they need.
Final notes
Alleviating food guilt is a process that requires self-awareness, self-compassion and a commitment to redefining your relationship with food. By challenging negative beliefs, practising mindful eating and embracing the joy of food, you can cultivate a more positive mindset about eating. Remember that food is not just sustenance; it is also a source of pleasure and connection. Embracing this perspective can lead to a healthier, happier life, free from the burden of food guilt.
Disclaimer
We work hard to bring you the most trustworthy, expert and up-to-date information on psychology and mental health in our Guides. You can learn more about how we ensure that they are a reliable source of information here. This Guide is provided as general information only. It is not a substitute for independent, professional medical or health advice tailored to your specific circumstances. If you are struggling with psychological difficulties, we encourage you to seek help from a professional source.
