is a licensed clinical psychologist in New York and a Florida telehealth provider. She specialises in helping ambitious professionals break free from stress, anxiety and OCD. She is also a mindful embodiment coach and the founder of the virtual mindfulness studio Together Mindful.
is a licensed clinical psychologist in New York and a Florida telehealth provider. She specialises in helping ambitious professionals break free from stress, anxiety and OCD. She is also a mindful embodiment coach and the founder of the virtual mindfulness studio Together Mindful.
It’s not unusual to get a few sessions into therapy – or even more – and find that something doesn’t feel quite right. Maybe your therapist says something that doesn’t sit well with you. Maybe they don’t seem to ‘get’ you. You might leave your sessions feeling drained, or unheard. Or perhaps the doubts are quieter, but still you start to wonder: Is this person actually helping me?
Doubting whether your therapist is right for you can be uncomfortable and confusing, especially if you are new to therapy. You might feel guilty or disloyal for doubting them, or uncertain about whether your concerns are valid. But doubts are normal and worth paying attention to. In this Guide, I’ll help you approach them with curiosity and care so you can take the most informed next step.
As a clinical psychologist, I believe therapy should feel safe, supportive and genuinely helpful. If it doesn’t, it’s important to notice and honour your doubts. Sometimes talking about them with your therapist leads to greater clarity and connection; other times, your doubts help you recognise that a different therapist or approach might be a better fit. Either way, listening to these signals can guide you toward the kind of support you need to thrive.
Finding the right fit
When I speak to a potential therapy client for the first time, I always tell them: fit is paramount. ‘Fit’ refers to how well a therapist and client match in ways that foster trust, progress and wellbeing. It’s not about whether your therapist is perfect (no one is), but whether you feel seen, heard and supported in the ways that matter to you.
The strength of the therapeutic alliance – your working relationship with your therapist – is one of the most consistent predictors of positive therapy outcomes. Ensuring that your therapist is a good fit for you will greatly contribute to your alliance throughout treatment.
Sometimes, doubts about a therapist stem from a lack of fit. A good fit involves factors such as:
Expertise – whether the therapist has experience with your goals or problems.
Personality – the therapist’s tone and energy, and whether you feel comfortable with them.
Schedule and fee – whether they are available when you are and charge a fee that you can comfortably pay (or they accept your health insurance).
Identity-related preferences – some find it helpful to work with a therapist who shares an important aspect of their background or perspective, such as age, gender, race, culture, political views or sexual orientation.
Therapeutic style – one therapist might offer guidance and practical strategies, while a different one might focus more on helping you reflect, gain insight and make your own connections.
What matters most will depend on where you are in your life and what you need right now. If you’re in crisis, you might prioritise getting seen quickly by someone competent, even if they’re not a great long-term fit. If you’re seeking deeper healing or identity-based support, shared experiences might seem more essential to you. You’re allowed to want what you want.
Aside from having a therapist who’s a good fit for you, it’s important to protect yourself from potential harm. While most therapists are ethical professionals, sometimes providers cross boundaries, act disrespectfully or even behave unethically. If that happens, it’s only natural to question whether the therapist is right for you (or for anyone).
In the next sections, we’ll talk about the different kinds of doubts you might have about a therapist – from concerns about fit to more serious issues like harmful or unethical behaviour – and how you can respond.
Key points
Doubts about your therapist are worth paying attention to. They might stem from a lack of fit with your therapist, a need for adjustments, or questionable or harmful behaviours. In any case, doubts can guide you toward better support.
Think about where your doubts are coming from. Consider whether it’s something the therapist said or did, the approach they use, questions about their qualifications, or another source.
Decide whether to leave or talk it through. You’re free to stop seeing your therapist for any reason. But discussing your concerns with them could clarify matters and it sometimes makes therapy work better.
If you decide to leave, consider saying why. It ensures the therapist knows that you’re safe, and they might offer referrals or other support.
Look for other options. Many people see more than one therapist before finding someone who feels like a good fit. A different therapy approach, or a different practitioner, could be right for you.
Think about where your doubts are coming from
Therapy sessions can stir up discomfort, especially when you’re describing difficult feelings or experiences that you’ve never shared before. Sometimes, doubt shows up precisely because therapy is working: it’s disrupting familiar patterns, surfacing buried emotions, or asking you to be vulnerable in new ways. When this is the case, you’ll feel supported by your therapist and safe to bring up whatever comes up for you. You will feel that the therapist is ‘on your side’ and that you’re a team working together to reach your desired outcomes. In these circumstances, the next step may be to talk with the therapist about any feelings of doubt rather than immediately walking away.
Other times, however, doubt is pointing to a genuine problem, whether it’s a mismatch in style, a lack of emotional safety, or something that hasn’t been addressed between you and your therapist. To tease these apart, slow down and get curious about what kind of doubt you’re experiencing and what it might be telling you.
Here are some questions to help you reflect on what might have caused your doubt about your therapist:
Did something happen (such as a comment or behaviour) that made you feel unsafe, uncomfortable or judged?
What thoughts or emotions are you having right now?
How does your body feel during or after therapy sessions?
Do you feel respected and able to express yourself fully and honestly?
Do you feel like you’re getting what you need from your therapist?
Have you shared what you need, or are you hoping the therapist will just ‘know’?
Have your goals or needs changed since starting therapy?
If you could change one thing about your work together, what would it be? Is that feasible?
While every situation is different, here are a few common sources of doubt that you might recognise as you reflect:
Your therapist’s qualifications: you might wonder whether your therapist has the right background or training to help with your specific concerns. If so, it’s reasonable to ask them to tell you more about their experience and approach, and to see if what they share alleviates your doubt.
The type of therapy: you might question whether you’re in the right kind of therapy – for instance, whether you need something that is more supportive, trauma-focused, or based on learning new skills. This, too, is something you could bring up with your therapist, who might be able to adapt their approach to your needs or recommend someone who uses a different approach.
Something the therapist said or did: maybe a comment felt dismissive, or they seemed distracted during your session. These moments can be unsettling, but they’re often worth discussing directly with the therapist.
Boundary concerns: if your therapist ever acts disrespectfully, makes you feel unsafe or crosses professional lines, that’s a red flag. In those cases, protecting your wellbeing comes first. Boundaries a therapist should never cross include sexual advances (whether initiating or reciprocating) and breaking confidentiality by sharing your private information without consent or legal obligation. Less obvious, but still important, is when a therapist overshares about their own life or steers sessions toward their needs instead of yours. A little self-disclosure now and then can be appropriate – sometimes it even helps you feel more at ease. But if most sessions start to feel like you’re the one listening and offering support, it may be a sign the therapeutic boundaries aren’t being maintained.
These are just some of the possibilities. You may not be sure yet which applies, but thinking about what kind of doubt you’re having can help clarify your next step. That might be raising the concern with your therapist, asking for adjustments, or deciding that it’s time to look for a different therapy provider.
Decide whether to leave or talk it through
If your therapist has done something harmful – crossed a boundary, made a prejudiced remark, dismissed your pain or acted inappropriately – you have every right to end therapy immediately. You don’t owe anyone your continued presence in a space that feels unsafe.
Even in less extreme situations, you are always allowed to end therapy for any reason (assuming you’re not in court-mandated or medically mandated treatment). If you’re not getting what you need, it’s OK to explore other options.
That said, you might not be sure yet. And if it feels safe to do so, bringing up your doubts in session can be very useful. Try something like: ‘I’ve been feeling unsure about our work together lately, and I’d like to talk about it,’ before describing your specific concerns. Or: ‘Something you said last session left me feeling unsettled. Can we unpack it together?’
A good therapist will welcome these conversations – not punish you or make you feel guilty for bringing them up. In fact, some of the strongest therapeutic relationships are forged through moments of honesty and mutual vulnerability.
For example, I’ve had clients tell me that they didn’t resonate with a particular intervention or skill I had introduced during our sessions. Talking it through helped us figure out whether it felt too difficult or advanced, triggered something from the past, or simply wasn’t their priority at that time. These conversations ensure that both therapist and client are on the same page and are moving forward in a way that feels supportive. They can also lead to valuable discoveries about how a client responds to challenges, handles confrontation, and practices asserting their needs and boundaries.
If the conversation goes well, you might leave with greater clarity, a deeper sense of trust in your therapist, and renewed commitment to the work. If it doesn’t, and instead your therapist reacts defensively, dismisses your concerns, or refuses to acknowledge your experience, that’s a clear signal something’s wrong. For example, they might say: ‘That’s just my style. I’ve worked like this for years and other clients don’t have a problem with it.’ A response like this suggests the relationship might not be serving you, and it’s worth considering whether a different therapist would be a better fit.
If you’re still unsure even after speaking with your therapist, take some more time to think it through. Ask yourself if you’ve clearly communicated your goals or needs – and if not, consider bringing them up next time. Ask whether you feel empowered to advocate for yourself when speaking with your therapist. Consider what you would choose to do next if you weren’t worried about hurting their feelings. You could write down your responses, or talk them through with a trusted friend. These can help you clarify your own thinking and weigh different perspectives before taking action.
If you decide to leave, consider saying why
You’re not doing anything wrong if you decide to stop seeing your therapist. Therapy is a professional relationship and, like any relationship, it’s not always built to last forever.
Tell your therapist, if you can. Though it’s not required, telling your therapist that you’re ending the relationship ensures they know you’re safe and not in crisis. It also gives them an opportunity to offer you referrals to other professionals, or insights that might support your transition. If you feel comfortable, you can share why you’re ending the relationship. You can do this face to face, over the phone, or via email. If you don’t, that’s OK too.
Take action if harm occurred. If you think your therapist violated ethical or legal boundaries, you have a right to file a complaint with their licensing board or to seek legal guidance. While these situations are rare, they do happen – and you’re not alone if that’s the case for you.
Look for other options
Having a disappointing experience with a therapist does not mean that therapy isn’t for you. Many people see more than one therapist before finding someone who feels like the right fit. And, when they do, it can make all the difference.
Remember, no two therapists are alike. In addition to a therapist’s personal style, experience and background, what works for you might depend on whether you’re seeking practical strategies, deeper reflection, or a mix of both. I frequently hear from clients who’ve had unproductive therapy experiences: they wanted practical tools for anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), but worked with a therapist who mostly nodded along or asked the cliché question ‘How does that make you feel?’ While some clients thrive with minimal feedback, or value a safe space to think out loud, others prefer a more direct approach, with specific skills that they can implement right away – such as strategies for setting boundaries with difficult people, managing stress at a demanding job, or disengaging from endless ‘what if’ thought spirals.
Different therapeutic approaches emphasise different things. For example:
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) focuses on noticing and shifting unhelpful thought patterns, managing emotions, and changing harmful behaviours and experiences (eg, insomnia, substance use, procrastination, depressed mood, emotional eating). It’s often structured, goal-oriented, and skills-based.
Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is the gold-standard treatment for OCD and many phobias. It involves reducing compulsions and unwanted behaviours like checking, ruminating and reassurance-seeking that develop in response to intrusive or obsessive thoughts, and anxiety about having to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty.
Internal family systems (IFS) helps you explore and integrate your ‘inner parts’ – different aspects of yourself that might hold pain, manage problems, protect you from potential harm, or feel vulnerable or afraid. Many people find IFS helps them feel more empowered, compassionate and whole.
These are only a few of the many approaches available. (For a fuller overview, see this Psyche Guide on how to pick the right therapist for you.)
Just because one approach didn’t help doesn’t mean that none will. You can always ask your current or future therapist what approach they use, and why they believe it’s effective for your needs. Many therapists use more than one approach and can help you decide which one might work best for you – if not a combination of them.
If you do meet with a new therapist, consider sharing what didn’t work in your previous therapy experience(s). Talking through those frustrations can clarify what you want now and can help you avoid repeating patterns that feel discouraging or disempowering.
If individual therapy hasn’t felt like the right approach for you, you can also explore group therapy or support groups. Some of these are more skills-based, and others focus on education, relationships or specific struggles. Many people find it comforting to hear from others who’ve had experiences similar to theirs. Group settings can expose you to different perspectives and normalise what you’re going through so that you feel less alone, less ‘weird’ and more supported.
Final notes
Having doubts about your therapist is not a failure on your part – it’s feedback. Therapy is for you. It’s your space. You have a right to ask questions, to change course, to advocate for yourself, and to expect a relationship where you feel valued. A good therapist will respect your autonomy, welcome your questions and encourage self-reflection – even if that means helping you find someone else.
Whether you choose to stay and speak up, or seek a new therapist, trust that your inner wisdom is guiding you toward the care you need. Therapy, at its best, is a place to be fully yourself. Don’t settle for less.
