Time alone offers unique psychological benefits, once you learn to embrace these quiet moments rather than escape them
What if, alongside scheduling appointments, meetings, and social events in your calendar, you started to allocate specific times just to be by yourself – to enjoy solitude? I propose this thought experiment because, for many people I have talked to, solitude happens only as a happy (or unwelcome) accident. It’s the same for me: my calendar is filled with meetings and social engagements with colleagues and friends. Until recently, I rarely safeguarded my solitary time in the same way.
When solitary time does come along, like when a meeting is cancelled, a plan falls through or a train is late, it’s rare that people take advantage of it with intention. It is quite common to feel compelled to reach for the phone to fill in those moments, to respond to work emails or tune in to social media. I myself have done that. It is a natural inclination to cope with stress and boredom, especially if we are too drained to commit to alternatives that demand higher levels of effort and attention.
Benefits of solitude
In a society that often sees solitude as undesirable, the benefits of spending time alone are frequently underestimated. Yet many studies have highlighted the benefits of solitude. Used wisely, short periods alone can be profoundly restorative, offering a much-needed break from the hustle of daily life.
Solitude allows you to hit that reset button, and recharge
As the founder of the Solitude Lab at Durham University, I’ve created a dedicated space for studying how solitude influences our emotions, thoughts and internal experiences. Our team explores these benefits through interviews, diary entries documenting people’s momentary experiences with solitude, and lab-based research. In addition to our research, we foster a community where we share brief summaries of our findings, inviting feedback and reflection from readers on how solitude impacts their personal lives. This open communication encourages individuals to reflect on their own experiences with solitude, helping to challenge the often negative perceptions surrounding it.
At the Solitude Lab, we often invite participants to sit alone in a quiet room for 15 minutes. By assessing their emotions before and after, we’ve shown that solitude can restore emotional balance. After just a brief period, our participants typically describe feeling a significant change in their emotions, less activated and less stressed, with a noticeable decrease in tension and nervous energy.
We call this the ‘deactivation effect’, referring to the effect of solitude in bringing down those intense emotions – emotions that are often stirred by activities that we do when around other people, such as the thrill of conversations at a party or the anxiety of presenting in front of a group. Even though these social moments can be exciting and exhilarating, they also demand energy and attention, which can become draining and exhausting at times. That is when solitude becomes valuable, allowing you to hit that reset button, and recharge.
Social environments can sometimes be stressful. In a recent, unpublished lab experiment, we found that solitude helps with emotional recovery after stress. Participants gave a speech and completed a mathematics task in front of uninterested judges and, afterwards, their frustration subsided when they spent time alone. This suggests that these moments of solitude can be especially critical for people whose daily activities require them to constantly be on their feet and respond to a stream of demands on their attention. This includes first responders, restaurant workers, mothers with small children, and many others. In contrast to the social environments that relentlessly ask something of us, solitude can be a space that grants the freedom to pursue our interests at our own pace.
To begin carving out more solitude for yourself, and taking more advantage of these moments, there are several steps you can take.
Start small, such as with a short solo walk around your neighbourhood
Start gradually
If you are the kind of person who currently spends little time alone or avoids it as far as possible, it’s important to introduce deliberate solitude into your life gradually. Whenever I offer this advice to people, I think back to a time when my retired mother called me and shared how difficult it was to spend an entire day alone at home. When I asked why she didn’t reach out to others, she explained that she believed the best way to become comfortable with solitude was to fully embrace it.
My mother is not alone in feeling this way. Many of us struggle with solitude because we haven’t developed healthy habits for being alone and, when the time comes, we’re unsure how to handle it. A common mistake people make when trying to build a new habit is adopting a ‘go hard or go home’ mentality. While this approach can be motivating, it often backfires, discouraging people from successfully following through with the change.
If solitude is unfamiliar to you, start small, such as with a short solo walk around your neighbourhood. A brief period of reading alone before your family gets up in the morning. A quick retreat to your car during lunch. By starting small, this helps you reframe your solitary experiences, so you do not associate solitude with discomfort but instead see it as one of the small joys of your day.
Change how you think about time alone
Whatever the reason for your solitude, my work and other research has shown that it is important to view this time as a personal choice and a valuable opportunity for emotion regulation and self-reflection, rather than as a condition imposed by external circumstances or dictated by other people’s plans and decisions. So, if you find yourself unexpectedly alone for a few hours (maybe your friends flaked on your social plans or your train was cancelled), rather than seeing it as undesirable, try to embrace the potential benefits that solitude offers.
There are several ways to rethink solitude. In my previous work, I simply asked participants to try it and see how it felt. This gave them a sense of choice and autonomy, unlike when they were told they had to do it. In another study, researchers used two different approaches: one group was told about the benefits of solitude, while the other was prompted to see it as a lonely time. The first group experienced a better mood after spending time alone, compared with the second group. So, if you don’t have a strong aversion to solitude, a slight shift toward a more positive mindset could enhance its emotional benefits for you. If you are unfamiliar with solitude, just being open and curious about it is a good first step. It also helps to focus on the benefits that solitude might bring without pressuring yourself to enjoy it right away – give it a chance and see how it feels!
Of course, shifting our mindset about solitude is easier said than done. For some, solitude can feel threatening and challenging, especially when it’s prolonged. We saw this during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns, particularly among those who live alone, have preexisting mental health conditions, or feel trapped in their solitude. In these cases, solitude can stir up negative rumination and worries that spin out of control. It’s important to remember that, while we can all benefit from temporary time alone, having a support system nearby if possible (such as friends or family you could contact if you wanted to) can make solitude feel less permanent and isolating.
Consider developing a habit of sitting quietly with your thoughts
Plan how you want to use your time alone
By rethinking solitude, you can begin to change how you spend time when you’re alone. I’ve already talked about the urge many of us have to reach for the phone during brief, unplanned moments of solitude. Even when solitude is expected, it’s common for people to default to using the time for productive and busy tasks such as running errands, working or exercising. While these activities might make us feel like we’re getting things done by checking off the next item on our list, they reinforce the neverending cycle of always being on the go. What we might truly need is some calmer solitary time for ourselves, where we can just be.
Others may fill the time with low-key activities such as watching TV or browsing the internet – often more out of habit than intention, simply because there’s nothing better to do. In these situations it might be helpful to ask yourself: ‘Is there a better way I could spend this time?’ While these passive activities are mostly harmless, getting the most out of solitude requires seeing it as a vital opportunity to recharge and reflect, and then using the time with greater intention.
Once you overcome any negative associations with solitude, it becomes a blank canvas, ready to be filled with the colours of your activities, thoughts and emotions. You could consider developing a habit of sitting quietly with your thoughts, which can certainly be restorative. However, research shows that many people find thinking alone requires concentration, which can feel boring when there’s nothing to do or focus on. Although many scholars often highlight self-reflection as one of the benefits of solitude, there are also risks associated with spending too much time in your own head; the mind can drift towards intrusive and ruminative thoughts.
If you are one of these people who dislikes being idle during alone time, or finds too much self-reflection can be counterproductive, that is perfectly fine. If you need something tangible to engage with, having a few enjoyable activities in mind for your alone time can provide structure to these moments. Choose tasks that engage your mind, such as solving a puzzle, listening to an interesting podcast or reading a book. Alternatively, you might prefer calming activities, such as watering plants or taking a nature walk. Discover what works best for you. As I’ve mentioned, it’s all about trying out things to see how they feel. If an activity leaves you feeling restless, it defeats the purpose of using solitude for recuperation, so try something different next time. Ultimately, having a clear intention for your solitude is key, and it’s what will help you make the most of its restorative benefits.
Self-care becomes a priority to help me keep going
Have a protected space and time for your solitude
Every morning, I make it a point to wake up at least 30 minutes before my family. This allows me the simple pleasure of enjoying a quiet cup of coffee on the couch. Establishing this routine has turned into a cherished part of my day, providing a peaceful start without immediately rushing into social chatter.
The ability to find a space for solitude varies depending on one’s living situation. Some might have the luxury of a private space to retreat to, such as a study, for a few moments of quiet before dinner; or relish a bathroom escape during busy family gatherings such as during Christmas time. Others, especially those in shared accommodations, might have to negotiate their need for quiet moments. Common strategies include using props or gestures, such as putting on headphones or immersing oneself in a book, particularly in public spaces or on public transport.
The same goes for time. Not everyone has the luxury of a flexible schedule that allows them to step away for a few moments of solitude. For those with a busy lifestyle, or in situations where they must constantly be on their feet to respond to the next demand, finding time for solitude is even more challenging. If that sounds like your life, consider whether you can lighten your load. I’ve found that I tend to feel overwhelmed when I try to do everything at once. That’s when I step back and prioritise, identifying which goals are most urgent and important to me, and which ones aren’t. This process gives me the space to fit in some much-needed ‘me time’, as self-care becomes a priority to help me keep going. It’s important to continue reminding ourselves that, no matter our life circumstances, we all need breaks, and solitude can offer that brief respite.
Another strategy is to find allies – the people in your life who understand and support your need for alone time. In my case, I make it a point to communicate this need clearly to those close to me. With my partner, we discussed my need for solitude early in our relationship to clear up any misunderstandings: my desire for alone time isn’t about avoiding him; it’s about recharging. Some people might interpret ‘I want to be alone’ as dismissive when it comes from someone they care about. Helping close others see how solitude benefits you can lead to greater understanding and respect for your need. At times, they might even offer practical support to help you find those moments of alone time!
Nature doesn’t overwhelm our attention the way built environments do
Step outside
The outdoors provides ample opportunities for solitude. Whether it’s a walk around the neighbourhood or sitting on a park bench, these moments can offer a break from daily pressures. Some may choose to sit in a local café, where the backdrop of social chatter can provide a sense of alone time without complete isolation.
Nature is another ideal setting for solitude, offering a break from cognitive and social demands. While solitude in nature might not be the kind we typically experience in daily life, many anecdotes from wilderness explorers, along with research, highlight its restorative effects. Studies have shown that nature doesn’t demand or overwhelm our attention the way built or human-designed environments do, making it a perfect space for solitude. For me, bird songs have this magical power that calm me down and help me forget all my work stress.
However, it’s crucial to feel safe in these environments to fully experience their restorative benefits. Nature comes with risks of encountering wild animals, getting lost, or even risks of falling or getting injured, especially in unfamiliar or remote areas. Therefore, make sure to take precautions such as staying on marked trails, carrying a mobile phone, and informing someone of your whereabouts. By ensuring your safety, you can relax and immerse yourself in the peaceful solitude that nature offers.
Final notes
Redefining your relationship with solitude means pursuing opportunities to enrich your life with intentional, solitary moments that help you get in touch with your internal world, and find rest and relaxation. By giving your time alone more purpose, just as most of us typically do for social events and work commitments, you allow yourself the space for self-reflection and emotional renewal.
Like any new habit, it takes time. If you’ve never spent time alone intentionally or used it for restoration, it might feel difficult at first. For me, there’s always a strong temptation to open my computer and start working, as I’m so used to spending alone time on work and productive activities. So one day, I carved out an hour in the morning to read a few pages of a novel. Day by day, as I built this new habit for my solitude, the other temptations became less and less.
So, create these moments for yourself. Whether they be a simple walk, a quiet morning coffee, or sitting silently among nature, these are not just gaps in your schedule, but time for you to regain energy after all the social obligations of daily life. Let us embrace solitude not as a luxury, but as a vital component of our wellness, ensuring that we value and protect this time as we would any other important appointments.
This Guide was made possible through the support of a grant to Aeon Media from the John Templeton Foundation. The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Foundation. Funders to Aeon Media are not involved in editorial decision-making.
