A psychologist’s tips for getting a grip on your social media use

Need to know

I have researched technology use and its pitfalls for close to 20 years and, in that time, the use of social media has developed in ways I never would have imagined. With smartphones and tablets always an arm’s length away, the boundaries between our private and public lives have become increasingly blurred. The kitchen table has become a place for networking on LinkedIn. Movie time has become a chance to check your Instagram feed. For some – and perhaps for you – it feels as if social media is taking over their lives; they want to reduce, or make better use of, the time they spend on social sites and apps. It is estimated that the billions of people around the world who use social media spend an average of 145 minutes on it per day – amounting to an astonishing total of 5.7 years across an average lifespan.

This heavy usage, as many now know, can have downsides for a person’s wellbeing. Work by my colleagues and me, and by other researchers, indicates that increased social media use comes with the potential risks of increased anxiety and depression and decreased life satisfaction. In our research at Nottingham Trent University, we have also found that, for a small minority of people, social media use is associated with experiencing the symptoms of an addiction. When excessive use leads to significant problems and interferes with daily functioning, a person might benefit from the support of a trained professional. Yet many other users will experience some of these symptoms, to a degree:

• repeatedly thinking about the next time you can use social media
• using social media to make you feel better in the moment, perhaps allowing you to escape your daily problems
• increasing the time spent on social media in order to experience the same pleasurable effect that you felt initially
• experiencing unpleasant feelings due to not being online, such as irritation, anxiety, headaches or heart palpitations
• for some heavy users, periods of abstinence are followed by a return (or relapse) to the problematic behaviour
• internal conflict – you are aware there is a problem, but feel that you cannot stop yourself – or interpersonal conflict with family, friends or others. One example of the latter is ‘phubbing’, the act of snubbing someone by using your phone when you’re with them.

For most people, experiencing just a few of these does not reflect an addiction to social media. However, the behaviour may still be problematic, in one or more of these ways, to the extent that it’s worth putting in place good strategies to tackle it. And there are various other reasons your social media use might be troubling you. Many users find that inordinate amounts of scrolling through social media feeds leaves limited time for other pursuits, such as offline meetups with friends. Frequent social media use can involve regular ‘doomscrolling’ – excessively looking over negative content, such as distressing news. Habitual social media sessions before bed can interfere with falling asleep. Social media can also lead you to make unfavourable and harmful comparisons between yourself and others. Our research has shown that the use of Instagram, for instance, can be particularly problematic as it has been associated with body image dissatisfaction as well as feelings of depression, anxiety and signs of addiction.

If you’ve had some of these difficulties yourself, you might be wondering what to do about them, or whether you should quit social media entirely. But you probably don’t need to go ‘cold turkey’: there are ways you can take more control and use social media with greater intention. In light of my research on technology use and the problems it can cause, I have compiled a list of tips on how to be more mindful about your use of social media – some of which I have tried to apply in my own life as well.

What to do

Set goals for your social media use

As a first step, you may wish to consider what you want for yourself with regard to social media use, such as feeling less drained or distracted by social media or using it in a more purposeful way. Depending on your general concerns or desires, think about specific possible goals for changing your social media use. For example, would you like to spend less time on social media (perhaps no more than an hour a day), to ensure that you’re not cutting into your time for hobbies, face-to-face socialising, or sleep? Would you like to start using social media only when you have a social or professional purpose in mind, not just to fill time? Do you want to end the habit of scrolling on your phone when you’re spending time with other people?

Choose one or more such goals for yourself. Write them down. You can then check in with yourself periodically and ask how much progress you have made on that goal, and why or why not. For many of the goals that might come to mind for you, the following steps are likely to help you out by giving you a better handle on your social media use.

Create dedicated space for social media use

Perhaps counterintuitively, I recommend creating space for social media use (perhaps 15-30 minutes) a couple of times a day. This might be in the morning and in the early evening, though the times will vary depending on the structure of your day. It is unrealistic for most people to stop using social media entirely in an age where so much of our lives happens online. However, having defined times when you use social media may help you to get it out of your system and to prioritise the forms of social media use that are most important to you (such as engaging directly with specific friends and family via direct messages). It also encourages you to use the rest of your time outside these windows more thoughtfully, such as by focusing on other pursuits, work, or seeing family or friends offline.

Establish social media-free times

Make sure you set apart times in your day that are free from technological interference, where you can focus on honing the art of face-to-face conversations or dedicate your full attention to other important activities. I am a strong advocate of tech-free mealtimes, which not only allow you to connect in more traditional ways with the family or friends with whom you’re sharing a meal, but which also support you in nourishing your body in a more mindful way, limiting overeating and increasing your enjoyment of the food you consume.

Another opportunity for going social media-free comes during regular working times, especially when you are trying to focus on completing tasks that require increased levels of attention. If you have a job that allows you to opt out of social media use during this time (or at least for part of it), the benefits will be an increase in efficiency and productivity.

It can also be useful to designate certain spaces free of social media use, at least at particular times. For me, this is the bedroom. Keeping a smartphone out of your bedroom at night helps pave the way for a better night’s sleep. It prevents the very common act of doomscrolling at bedtime, a behaviour that ramps up cognitive engagement and hinders sleep. Banning social media use at bedtime also reduces your exposure to blue light, supporting the production of melatonin and helping you nod off more quickly.

Approach social media use mindfully

Aside from placing limits on your social media time, you can change your relationship with it for the better by using it in a more mindful way – that is, avoiding unreflective, aimless scrolling through your social media feeds and instead using it for particular aims, such as chatting with your friends. In this way, social media can become more than just a simple time-filler and boredom-killer; it can be a useful tool for staying connected with the people who are important to you. This is what social media was designed to do from the start: to connect people. Or, let’s say one of your main goals for social media use has to do with learning about and discussing topics that interest you. You can make the decision to more intentionally steer each experience toward finding information on such topics and connecting with communities of people who share your interests.

Unburden yourself of constant reminders

One of the most basic ways to give yourself more control over your social media use is to put your smartphone away when you aren’t actively using it. Leave it in the kitchen, in your bag, or somewhere else that isn’t right next to you. This removes the temptation to check it and can help you devote more of your focus and energy to other activities.

You can also switch off or silence the notifications your smartphone or other devices send you from your social media apps. Our research suggests that an incessant amount of smartphone notifications can have a detrimental impact on your mood. Smartphone notifications are also known to be attention thieves. A simple way to get your attention back is to turn them off – either completely, or specifically for the kinds of social media apps that are most bothersome to you. (If you’re not sure how: in the Settings apps on Android phones and iPhones, the ‘notifications’ section enables you to select a specific social media app and to stop allowing alerts from that app to pop up on your phone when you’re not using it.)

Within social media platforms, companies such as Meta and X are keen to present you with notifications for any number of things while you’re there, including many you probably don’t care much about. Updates from friends, yes, but also ‘suggested’ posts or minor news in groups you might be following. Most if not all of these notifications unnecessarily clog your feed and disrupt your time. Therefore, I suggest switching them all off in the notifications settings, unless there is something that you truly want to be informed about, such as a long-anticipated event.

Finally, the ‘airplane mode’ or ‘flight mode’ available in your smartphone settings is useful not only for air travel; it can also be handy if you want to boost your focus, such as when you need to meet an important deadline. By ensuring that you cannot be contacted or receive notifications while it’s switched on, it creates a more peaceful atmosphere. It is also a useful tool at bedtime for helping you avoid any interruptions to your sleep.

Switch to greyscale

Research shows that we are enticed to keep using our smartphones partly because the visuals, colours and designs are so appealing. Through ‘greyscaling’ – in which content is presented in black, white and grey rather than in full colour – you can reduce the pull of your social media apps. Give it a try. You can activate this in your phone’s settings, which may differ based on the type of phone you have. (For example, on an iPhone, you can find the setting by searching for ‘colour filters’ in Settings and switching it on; ‘grayscale’ is a default filter.) Black-and-white content, including images and video, is typically less fun to engage with, and so you may find that your phone prompts less repeated checking and distraction. This setting can also improve your sleep. At nighttime, I would recommend always using greyscaling – and/or ‘dark mode’, which darkens your phone display without necessarily rendering it colourless – because this ensures that you have less exposure to blue light when you’re trying to prepare yourself for sleep.

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