What runners call the ‘pain cave’

A smiling runner in a yellow shirt high-fiving a cheering crowd on a street lined with buildings and trees.

Outside work, I run. I love it, mostly – it’s my own form of mindfulness. But aching legs and bleeding toes are inevitable. So I was intrigued to hear the ultrarunner Courtney Dauwalter describe in a recent short film how she overcomes pain during a 100-mile race.

Research suggests that ultrarunners like Dauwalter have a higher pain tolerance than the general population. Perhaps their bodies are different, but it also appears to be mental. Dauwalter describes how her mind helps her push through pain. After hours on her feet, she explains, she enters her ‘pain cave’: a place where only mental grit is left.

What particularly struck me was Dauwalter’s approach when inside the cave. Initially, her instinct was to leave. Indeed, she quit her first 100-miler. But now she applies curiosity instead: she explores the cave’s walls, and expands them. ‘I put on my hard hat, I grab a chisel and I imagine going into the very back corners of that cave and just digging into the work,’ she says. ‘Each time I go in the cave, it’s getting bigger for the next visit.’

I find that helpful. Now, when running gets uncomfortable, I remind myself I’ve felt similar before, and survived. Through this, I’m reaching ever-longer distances, curious about how far I can go.

I’m reminded of an observation the novelist Haruki Murakami makes in his memoir What I Talk About When I Talk About Running (2007) – ‘Say you’re running and you start to think, Man this hurts, I can’t take it anymore. The hurt part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand any more is up to the runner himself.’

You don’t need to run to find insight from these runners. In life, we all spend some time in our own personal pain caves, especially when stretching ourselves. Pain is unavoidable. The good news is that our tolerance can rise.

by Richard Fisher

FIND OUT MORE

‘Courtney Dauwalter’s Ultimate Challenge: Three Iconic 100-mile Races in One Summer’ (2024), a short film.

‘Courtney Dauwalter’s Advice to Improve Your Running’ (2024), an online interview with Floris Gierman.

‘How to Enjoy Running ’ (2022) by Christian Jarrett, a Psyche Guide.


The words that make an apology convincing

A photo showing a person holding a bouquet of mixed flowers wrapped in brown paper, viewed from above and behind.

My son was two and we had just been discharged from hospital following a nasty winter bug. His birthday was only a few days away with no time to plan for a big party, so I invited a close family friend and her kids to a teddy bear-making workshop followed by a pizza. She agreed, huge relief – the problem was solved. But then she cancelled last-minute because apparently her children had received a better offer from a popular classmate who hosted great parties! My friend realised quickly that her honesty had fallen flat with me and so she came over to apologise.

I was reminded of this event recently when I attended a lecture about the psychology of apologies by my colleague Shiri Lev-Ari. She described how research has shown that apologies are most convincing when they involve greater cost, such as in terms of money or time. My friend seemed to know this intuitively – she turned up on my doorstep (time cost) with a bottle of champagne (financial cost) at a time that would have likely inconvenienced her (effort cost).

Shiri wondered if this cost rule would extend to the words that we use when we apologise, and in her recent research that’s exactly what she found. People judged apologies involving longer words of explanation (I did not mean to respond in a confrontational manner) as more convincing than apologies involving shorter words (I did not mean to answer in a hostile way), presumably because they signal greater cognitive cost.

So, here’s my message to my friend: next time you need to apologise, do turn up with that that bottle of champagne but consider replacing your ‘real sorrow’ with ‘genuine remorse’.

by Alice Gregory

FIND OUT MORE

For more on the psychology of effective apologies, check out this TED-Ed video ‘The Best Way to Apologize (According to Science)’ (2022).

Are you sure you need to apologise? The Psyche Guide ‘How to Save Yourself Another Pointless Guilt Trip’ (2021) by Aziz Gazipura provides advice for those who feel guilty even when they might not have done anything wrong.


A brief escape from social media

A switched-off smartphone on a bright yellow surface with fingerprints and smudges on the black screen.

Earlier this year, I took a break from my phone for a full week while on vacation in Mexico. My somewhat impulsive decision to forgo an international plan and leave my phone in my hotel room led to one or two tricky situations. But mainly, it was refreshing to live in the present moment. I had been feeling fatigued by social media before the trip – Instagram being my particular vice – so by the end, it truly felt like I’d gone through a detox.

When I inevitably returned to my device, I felt newly, palpably aware of how much time I was wasting on social media. Why was I so easily consumed by parking lot spats, celebrity interviews and videos with captions like ‘___ will leave you speechless’, none of which had any real significance beyond holding my attention? The feeling reminded me of a quote I’d once encountered, about how easy it is to be distracted by disposable content. It perfectly summed up what’s so quietly frustrating about social media these days, but the irony was that I couldn’t remember the exact quote, or even where I’d seen it, due to the sheer amount of content I regularly consume.

I looked everywhere for the origin. I revisited my YouTube history and Instagram posts I’d ‘liked’, feeling horrified at how much time I had spent in the digital world. I thought for sure it was a quote from the YouTuber Mina Le’s insightful video ‘Why Is Social Media Not Fun Anymore?’, or from an audiobook I’d enjoyed. No, it must have been mentioned in one of the countless Instagram Reels that the algorithm has calculatedly served me. Eventually, I gave up my search, a decision that, in itself, was its own relief from the endless cycle of content consumption.

by Tamur Qutab

FIND OUT MORE

Evan Puschak, aka The Nerdwriter, who in my opinion is the best video essayist out there, explores this topic with humour and relatability in the essay ‘I Think the Internet Wants to Be My Mind’ from his book Escape into Meaning (2022).

If you, too, have an urge to change your relationship with social media, check out the Psyche Guide ‘A Psychologist’s Tips for Getting a Grip on Your Social Media Use’ (2024) by Daria J Kuss.


NOTE TO SELFTRAVEL

Why ‘false authenticity’ is so unsettling

Aerial photo of Würzburg, a European cityscape with historic buildings, church spires and a clock tower under a partly cloudy sky.

The past is vividly alive in the Old Town of Würzburg in Germany. Walking the spindly streets, I felt transported to the medieval days: I could practically see the ruddy burghers going about their business in the shadows of aged church facades.

Often when we engage with things of the past, with the material lives of our forebears, we’re in search of a sense of authenticity. Seeing the actual items that people, long dead, dealt with in their day-to-day lives seems in some way to bring them back: what they’ve left behind invigorates our historical imagination of what their lives were like. The things that populated the lives of expired generations gives us a visceral connection to them, and Würzburg amply provides the material for that sense of intimacy with the vanished past.

Historic photo of a European city with a stone bridge, people walking, and buildings with spires in the background.

Würzburg c1900. Courtesy the Library of Congress

Or so I thought. The same day I so romantically strolled through the Old Town, I learned that it’s not old at all – younger, in fact, than me. The Allies bombed the place to annihilation, destroying 90 per cent of the city (more than Dresden). After the war, the Würzburgers rebuilt the Old Town exactly as it had been, a project not completed until the 1990s. So while it seems that you’re engaging with the world of yesteryear, in fact it’s a reproduction.

And that shattered the connection to the past. But why? Walter Benjamin called the uniqueness of a work of art its aura. An identical poster of The Scream (1893), even if arranged the same way as the original, will resonate far less if the viewer knows that Edvard Munch’s brush never touched it. Its aura is gone. So, upon learning of its recency, the aura of Würzburg’s Old Town dissolved – and I was left instead with a sense of falsity, nothing but an unsettling replica of authenticity.

by Sam Dresser

FIND OUT MORE

Stimulating reflections upon similar lines were recently offered by Elizabeth Kostina in her incisive Aeon essay ‘The Replica and the Original’ (2025).

On the perennially intriguing topic of art and authenticity, check out another Aeon essay, ‘Is it Really a Leonardo?’ (2018) by Noah Charney.

To learn why ‘Place authenticity is an important, overlooked part of life’, read this 2024 Psyche Idea by Ashley Krause.


NOTE TO SELFHAPPINESS

Where are you on the ‘happiness curve’?

An elderly man seated on a city street as skateboarders perform tricks around him.

As I approached my 40th birthday, I came across a chart that would – without exaggeration – alter my life’s course. Known as the U-shaped ‘happiness curve’, it plots life satisfaction across adulthood. It suggests that people are, on average, happiest in their 20s, and in old age. The bit that bothered me was the middle: according to the chart, my 40s promised to be my glummest decade.

Shortly after I saw this graph, I made some major life changes – determined to buck the averages. I took a career break, lived abroad for a year, refocused my attention on family, and decided to write a book. Generally, I think it worked: I’m about to turn 45, and now feel pretty content.

So imagine my surprise to learn recently that the chart is more debated than I assumed. While the evidence (600+ papers, apparently) supports the U-shape, its applicability to you or me, well… it depends. For example, in some countries, older age doesn’t necessarily bring greater contentment, particularly if welfare support is lacking (and in some societies, midlife is the peak of wellbeing). There may also be gender differences: the mid-40s slump could be skewed by particularly unhappy men.

This year, the entire shape of the curve has been questioned. It seems the young may be unhappier than previous generations, which is flattening out the classic smile-shape into something more like Mr Spock’s arched eyebrow. In sum, it’s more complex once you dig into the data.

However, I have no regrets about making midlife decisions based on a chart. The real power wasn’t in the curve’s accuracy, but in how it gave me permission to make positive changes. And growing older has taught me that, sometimes, life’s big choices must be made with imperfect information.

by Richard Fisher

FIND OUT MORE

Fixating on happiness itself may not be the way to go, as this Psyche Idea argues: ‘As a Psychiatrist, I’ve Seen How Chasing Happiness Leads to Misery’ (2023) by Rafa Euba.

To learn more about the collapsing U-shape of the happiness curve among young people, watch this New York Times explainer video.

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